Sunday, February 12, 2006
Hangover
I return from Seoul brokenhearted.
Why do I always fall hard for guys who won't feel the same way?
We talked all night, tucked into the corner of that seedy bar, leaning towards one another, our faces only inches apart. We talked about the ethnicities of past partners, cross-country dreams, our small town backgrounds, my shamelessly bad taste in music and your one-night stands. You spent an hour trying to teach me darts, holding my hand, and I purposely fucked myself up to stretch the lesson as long as possible.
I got drunk. You saved me and my friend from assholes in Itaewon and tried to sober me up by pressing water and tomatoes on me. You ditched our obnoxious friends, went with me to that shitty dance club and made all my girlfriends fall in love with you. You put up with my awkward dance moves and my passionate defense of graphic novels.
What is wrong with me? I'm intelligent, articulate, attractive and witty. I know that, 99 percent of the time, I could get any guy I want. But you're different. You're the only guy I've met here who hasn't showered me with praise, who hasn't told me I was the one, who hasn't dived in for the kiss.
You were the perfect gentleman, and all I wanted was for the monster to emerge. I wanted you to corner me in the restroom and assert yourself. I wanted to give in.
But now you know. Just one long, anguished sigh as we embraced. Just one long, wistful look as you left. And all you could do was laugh, your eyes sad. And I furiously blinked back tears. I could feel my pride slipping and defiance pulling apart.
In those few seconds I knew we'd never have this night again. You see, I can't be just friends with you. No matter how mind-blowing our conversations are and how pretty you are and how much we both care, I can't let myself pine away for you.
That would hurt too much. And I have a low tolerance for pain.
Pia at 9:44 AM
3 Comments
-
at 5:17 AM
Kevin Sole said... Of course there are no words that will lessen your pain in this.
But know that... so many share it, including me.
You are right about one thing though. You could have any man you wanted. What you may not realize though?
He'd be one of the luckiest guys on earth.-
at 11:26 PM
Pia said...
Dave--are you smitten with a friend, too? Because that sucks the hardest.
Thanks, Kevin. I totally regretted posting my last entry, but your words made the embarrassment worth it.-
at 11:15 AM
Kevin Sole said...
Ah, don't regret. Never regret, never apologize.
Instead of regretting, choose to learn from the experience. You can learn from a mistake, just as much as you can learn from inaction; just as much from rejection, as you can from ... uh, yeah, I'm .. really tired. :P
Never apologize. I defer to my friend Kurt, who quoted someone I can't remember, when he said:
"Never apologize. A good person does not require the apology; a bad person will use it against you".
